Sons of Loki

“Go to London! I guarantee you’ll either be mugged or not appreciated. Catch the train to London, stopping at Rejection, Disappointment, Backstabbing Central and Shattered Dreams Parkway.”
– Alan Partridge

Well, it’s not all bad. It’s never cheap, but London is home to some of the world’s most famous museums – and if you’re wondering what to do on your trip, the best news is that some of the top attractions in the capital are completely free. Here’s a list of the best ones:

• The British Museum dates back to 1753, but some of the exhibitions are far older than that. Key attractions include the Rosetta Stone, a 5,300-year old Egyptian mummy, and ancient Anglo-Saxon treasures. Visitors can even get to handle ancient treasures like Roman coins in the Hands On sessions. Located close to Holborn Underground station and open from 10am to 5:30pm, admission is free for all visitors and foreign language audio guides are available. It can be a tad stuffy – well, it is a museum – but the sheer amount of history here makes it a must-see.
• Facing Trafalgar Square is the stately National Gallery, a collection of over 2,300 paintings from the 13th century onwards. Though small compared to some European galleries, the collection provides an unrivalled sampling of Western art. Just about every famous European painter is present in the gallery’s collection: the exhibition’s highlights include works by da Vinci, Gainsborough, Constable, Seurat, and of course van Gogh’s “Sunflowers”.
• A few minutes from St Paul’s Cathedral is the Museum of London, another top free museum in the city. Opened in 1976 and recently undergoing a £20m refurbishment, the museum covers the history of London from prehistoric times, through Roman “Londinium” and medieval turmoil, right up to World War II and contemporary London. Highlights include examples of London fashion, including styles from Mary Quant and Alexander McQueen.
• Meanwhile, running along Exhibition Road in Kensington are three of London’s top museums – and they’re all free. Fantastic for kids, the Science Museum is the fifth most popular museum in the UK. Streams of visitors come to see over 300,000 exhibits, such as the famous Stephenson’s Rocket, the first jet engine, and a working model of Charles Babbage’s famous 19th century analog computer, the Difference Engine. Recent attractions include the IMAX 3D cinema and a brand new digital technology collection.
• A short distance away is the Natural History Museum. Built in 1880, the stunning architecture of this “cathedral of nature” is almost an attraction in itself. Inside are over 70 million specimens, a world class research centre, and enough exhibits to keep your kids and adults alike entertained for hours – all for free. In the central hall stands a 105-foot diplodocus skeleton; elsewhere you can see a full-scale model of a blue whale, experience an earthquake simulator, and enjoy regular special exhibitions.
• Finally, the Victoria and Albert Museum – established in 1857 and opened by the Queen herself – is the world’s biggest museum of art and design. The V&A’s top attractions include ancient Ming vases, King James II’s wedding suit, a full-size replica of Michelangelo’ David and a stunning 125 ft plaster cast of Trajan’s Column – it’s hard to understand just how huge it is until you’ve seen it yourself. The museum itself is a beautiful example of post-Victorian architecture, with peaceful gardens outside the refreshment rooms.

You’ll probably wind up spending twice what you expected on novelty keychains and mouse mats (who uses mouse mats these days, anyway?) but there’s a breathtaking array of free museums with world-class exhibitions in every field imaginable. Don’t hesitate to drop in on one or more of the museums on this list next time you’re visiting.

Long a favourite in the field of takeaway Italian breads, Domino’s tried-and-tested pizza menu has been updated for 2011 with the addition of fresh-dough stuffed crust as an option on its Medium and Large pizzas. We took a look at the Large Tandoori Chicken Stuffed Crust to see if it can grab a slice … of the market. (Sorry.)

Vital Statistics
With five toppings and at 13.5″ (34 cm) in diameter, the Tandoori Chicken offers a whopping 28.6 square inches per topping. Our pizza came with tandoori chicken, onions, mushrooms, green peppers, and jalapeno peppers as standard, although bespoke pizzas are available. With the stuff-crusted option selected, a ring of delicious mozzarella and herb is installed around the edge of the pizza for increased tastiness.

Delivery
Despite a slight hiccup with addresses, the delivery went smoothly, the pizza arriving 40 minutes after ordering. This allowed adequate room to build up an appetite. Upon arrival, we were pleased to find a free tub of garlic and herb sauce.

Impressions
General impressions of the pizza from my fellow reviewer were “nice smell” and “hot.” The jalapenos were not overpowering, which I personally feel is a plus in a pizza, but some might find it lacks punch. The tomato sauce base was rich and – tomato-y, while the dough was soft and the stuffed crust an excellent addition. Only a handful of mushrooms were provided with the pizza – some may feel this is a downside, but I can’t stand mushrooms anyway.
One downside was the 25 g garlic and herb sauce, which proved to be inadequate for two hungry eaters. We recommend in future at least 3.5 g of sauce per inch of pizza.

Pizza Length
Strenuous testing by two reviewers revealed that the pizza has a half-life of 8 minutes – that is, it takes two eaters 8 minutes to consume half the pizza. From this point onwards consumption slowed. The entire pizza was finished after 34 minutes, an average of 4 minutes 15 seconds per slice. We feel this represents excellent value for money in the crowded pizza market.

Conclusions
While we had some reservations about the garlic and herb sauce, we found that the Large Tandoori Chicken Stuffed Crust – with an excellent tomato base and great dough – comprises a great choice for your next pizza purchase.

I’ve recently started using the amazing JoliOS on my netbook – a hybrid cloud/local OS, it’s not as bulky as Windows, but neither is it as thin and weedy as ChromeOS. You’re not tethered to the Cloud and if you haven’t got an internet connection (the era of constant, cheap wireless net is not quite here yet, especially in Blighty) you can still get work done offline. Better still, there’s an impressive app store which includes a version of Spotify running in WINE for Linux compatibility. Unfortunately, there’s a bug with Facebook connectivity that means it crashes on startup if you’ve linked your account with Facebook. This is easy enough to fix:

1. Log into Facebook.
2. Go to “Account” > “Privacy Settings”.
3. Scroll down to “Apps and websites” and click “Edit your settings”.
4. Click “Edit settings” next to “Apps you use”
5. Scroll down to Spotify, click the little x and press “Remove”. Job done!

Don’t spend more than you need to: find out how to grab a bargain Galaxy S II with the perfect plan.

The new Samsung Galaxy S II is a seriously hot piece of kit. With a lightning-fast dual-core processor, crisp 4.3 inch Super AMOLED screen and 8-megapixel camera, it’s no wonder reviewers are raving about it.

Non-contract users
Price: £479.99
Plan: O2 Pay & Go

For those after pay-as-you-go or already on a SIM Only contract, you can’t beat £20 off the RRP.

Light users
Price: £9/month, £304.99 handset
Plan: 3 Internet Talker 100 (24 months)

If you absolutely must have the Galaxy on the cheapest contract available, 3 offer the handset for £305 with 100 minutes, 100 texts
and internet for £9 per month.

Texters
Price: £15/month, £249.99 handset
Plan: Orange Dolphin 15 (24 months)

You’ll pay £250 for the phone, but for £15 per month you get unlimited texts and 100 minutes.

Talkers
Price: £35/month, free handset
Plan: 3 The One Plan (24 months)

It’d be hard to run out with unlimited data, 5000 texts and 2000 minutes (that’s more an hour of chatting every day) – and the handset for free.

Internet users
Price: £25/month, £100 handset
Plan: T-Mobile Pay monthly 25 internet (24 months)

If you don’t mind £100 for the handset, grab 300 minutes, 300 texts and – for a limited time – all-you-can-eat internet for £25 per month.

Saturday, June 18th
Back to Tampere, where Milka’s dad was breaking out bad puns to rival my own – e.g., “I fought the lawn, and the lawn won.” He took us out on their motorboat. God, I love boats. Why can’t I live on a lake?

Sunday, June 19th
“I’ll teach you the rules as we go along,” said Marko, teaching me eight-ball pool, “unless I start losing, in which case I’ll invent new rules.”

Monday, June 20th
I cooked the in-laws Shepherd’s Pie as a thank you for looking after me so well and I think I did a pretty good job, although the mash was far too watery. Then I did something I’ve always wanted to do – Milka and I broiled ourselves in the sauna and whacked ourselves with birch leaves her dad had collected, which left a wonderful aroma in the air and served as a refreshingly brute-force massage. Then we ran out of the house and down to the beach and waded into the chilly evening water and when I had plucked up enough courage, dunked myself in up to my neck.
Aaargh! But after the initial shock, it actually wasn’t so bad. In fact, it was positively invigorating, to take a swim in the lake under the setting sun. I wish I’d done it earlier.

Tuesday, June 21st
This was midsummer, and we made a trip to see Milka’s grandfather’s summer cottage. It, too, was next to a lake, and it was amazing – true Scandinavian design, all wood and rugs and fireplaces.



Milka’s grandfather built this little lakeside cottage himself. With his own hands. This is something I don’t think modern men are able to do.

Wednesday, June 22
Alas, the time had come to leave Finland. I said farewell to the beautiful house and the beautiful cats and Milka’s mum drove Milka and me to Tampere Airport, where I was surprised to see the Baltic Bees airshow team in their L39 Albatrosses. Albatrossi.

Check-in was slightly disrupted because my carry-on was 1 kg too heavy, but rather than pay €40 to check it in, I ditched two books and put on an extra shirt and scraped it through at 9.8 kg. Savings! (By the way, there’s a copy of The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo at Tampere-Pirkkala Airport if anyone wants it.)

A quick coffee and panini in the cafe (where my attempt to order in Finnish was given a kind smile before the cashier switched me to English) and a flawless flight home, except for a slightly dodgy landing (flare! flare!). Caught the train, home by 8pm: and so my European adventure came to an end.